The Deceased of the Western Road Burial Plots Are Turning in Their Graves

Disclaimer: Before you read on, please take note that this is A PARODY, NOT REAL and most definitely DOES NOT REFER to any REAL PERSON, DEAD or ALIVE.

A week after the local council published notices in local newspapers announcing its intention to update the register of burial rights of those buried in the Western Road Christian cemetery, a strange phenomenon started to happen within the cemetery.

The once-peaceful cemetery was abuzz with activities as graves are suddenly being exhumed by its occupants. Many of the deceased are slowly climbing out of their permanent resting place, none of whom looked pleased to be woken from their slumber.

The cemetery groundskeeper, who had noticed the phenomenon, had immediately tipped off the media and quickly make a run for it. After all, he did not want to be blamed for waking the dead.

John Smith, a Royal Australian Air Force soldier who died in 1948 and was buried in one of the plots there, seemed to be leading the rise of the dead, amongst those are his comrades, the British soldiers, the Russian soldiers and the other civilians buried there.

"Since we are in danger of losing our homes, I think this is a good time that all of us get organised and we will all go get registered with the local council," the skeleton with a few scraps of rotting material hanging on his frame told reporters in a brief press conference yesterday.

Another deceased, still in the midst of decomposing and emitting a putrid stench, pushed Smith aside to have her say.

"Ignore Smith. I think the local council is so stupid. I mean, we are all dead and resting peacefully here and there they are wanting to wake us up to provide them with all those immaterial details. I mean, look at us! Does it look like we have the receipts to the burial plots?" the woman, who only wished to be known as Mary, said while gesturing to her rotting clothes and flesh.

"Yes, look at us. Some of us has been here for almost 100 years, how do they expect us to provide proof of purchase or date of purchase?" another skeleton demanded.

"Now, now, settle down. I am sure we can get all this sorted out in no time. We must hurry, we have until Nov 30 to get registered or we may no longer have a place to rest peacefully!" Smith told the crowd of unhappy, far-from-peaceful, skeletons and decomposing bodies.

Smith said most of the dead, some of whom has been there for almost a century, do not have surviving relatives to do the registration for them. Those who do have surviving relatives do not even know if the relatives are still living in Penang.

"It is indeed a big mess here. Some of us has relatives who are living elsewhere and some of us, like myself, do not have any relatives to claim my bones or provide a new resting place for us. So, we have no choice but to rise from our peaceful slumber to register with the council," he said when asked why the deceased are rising from their graves.

The MPPP is conducting an exercise to update the register of burial rights of those buried in the Western Road Christian cemetery.

It had published notices in local newspapers calling for individuals with burial rights or the family members and personal representatives of those buried in the 19th century cemetery located on Jalan Utama (or popularly known as Western Road) to provide detailed information such as date of purchase of the plot, plot number, name and address of the applicants and representatives, proof of purchase and the name of the deceased.

They are required to provide the information by Nov 30, otherwise the council will repossess the plots for other uses.


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